There are times that we avoid setting boundaries because we can have feelings of guilt. Many individuals avoid setting boundaries with those to whom they feel an obligation. In this sense, they can avoid the guilty feelings that occur when they say no to someone who has been kind to them. They never leave home, never change schools or churches, and never switch jobs or friends. Even when it would be an otherwise mature move.

The idea is because we have received something we owe something. The problem is the non-existent debt. The love that we receive, or money, or time --- or anything which causes us to feel obligated --- should be accepted as a gift. “Gift” implies no strings attached. All that’s really needed is gratitude. The giver has no second thought that the present will provide a return. It was simply provided because someone loved someone and wanted to do something for him or her. Period.

That is how God views his gift of salvation to us. It cost him his Son. It was motivated out of love for us. And our response is to receive it, and to be grateful. Why is gratitude so important? Because God knows that our gratitude for what he has done will move us to love others: “Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving” (Col. 2:7).

What do we owe those who are kind to us, who have genuinely cared for us? We owe them thanks. And from out grateful heart, we should go out and help others. We also need to distinguish between those who “give to get” and those who truly give selflessly. It’s generally easy to tell the difference. If the giver is hurt or angered by a sincere thanks, the gift was probably a loan. If the gratitude is enough, you probably received a legitimate gift with no feelings of guilt attached.

Is it possible that others will become angry at our boundaries and attack or withdraw from us? The answer is -- ABSOLUTELY! God never gave us the power or right to control how others respond to our no. Some will welcome it; some will hate it.

Jesus told the rich young ruler a hard truth about eternal life. He understood that the man worshiped money. So he told him to give it away -- to make room in his heart for God. The results were not encouraging. The Bible says that when the young man heard this instruction, he went away sad because he had great wealth (Matt 19:32). Jesus could have manipulated the situation so that it was less hard to swallow. But he didn't. He knew that the young man had to know whom to worship. So he let him walk away.

We can do no less. We can't manipulate people into swallowing our boundaries by sugarcoating them. Boundaries are a "litmus test" for the quality of our relationships. Those peopl in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us that they don't love our 'no.' They only love our 'yes' -- our compliance. Setting limits has to do with telling the truth.

The death of Dr. D. James Kennedy is yet another reminder of what the hymn writer Isaac Watts saw when he wrote that "time, like an ever rolling stream, bears all its sons away." Dr. Kennedy died Wednesday morning at his home in Ft. Lauderdale. He had been out of the public eye since suffering a significant cardiac arrest last December 28.

James Kennedy founded the Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in 1959. Within just a few short years the church became one of the nation's largest Presbyterian congregations. Along the way he established a host of affiliated ministries. He taught thousands of Christians how to share their faith, one on one, through Evangelism Explosion. He reached millions through his television ministry, "The Coral Ridge Hour." He educated generations of children and youth through Westminster Academy and trained ministers through Knox Theological Seminary.

He lived by the statement: "Excellence in All Things and All Things to God's Glory." Certainly, many have been influenced by the life of this great Christian preacher. Read what the Washington Post had to say about his passing: (more)