There are times that we avoid setting boundaries because we can have feelings of guilt. Many individuals avoid setting boundaries with those to whom they feel an obligation. In this sense, they can avoid the guilty feelings that occur when they say no to someone who has been kind to them. They never leave home, never change schools or churches, and never switch jobs or friends. Even when it would be an otherwise mature move.

The idea is because we have received something we owe something. The problem is the non-existent debt. The love that we receive, or money, or time --- or anything which causes us to feel obligated --- should be accepted as a gift. “Gift” implies no strings attached. All that’s really needed is gratitude. The giver has no second thought that the present will provide a return. It was simply provided because someone loved someone and wanted to do something for him or her. Period.

That is how God views his gift of salvation to us. It cost him his Son. It was motivated out of love for us. And our response is to receive it, and to be grateful. Why is gratitude so important? Because God knows that our gratitude for what he has done will move us to love others: “Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving” (Col. 2:7).

What do we owe those who are kind to us, who have genuinely cared for us? We owe them thanks. And from out grateful heart, we should go out and help others. We also need to distinguish between those who “give to get” and those who truly give selflessly. It’s generally easy to tell the difference. If the giver is hurt or angered by a sincere thanks, the gift was probably a loan. If the gratitude is enough, you probably received a legitimate gift with no feelings of guilt attached.